Feral Children

Just a brief update. Curious minds are inquiring so I pulled some strings and now I am joining the band on the whole tour. That means all the way to Essen, Germany! Turns out my help is worth the extra mouth to feed and liver to damage. So look for me at the shows. I'm the humble roadie, merch man, photographer...But we tell the ladies that I'm the 6th Prima Donna (rawr). Rock'n'Roll

Fear And Loathing In Europe

Ladies and gentlemen, in a few days I will embark on an epic journey.  While back in Los Angeles for the holiday season I was talking to a friend of mine who plays in a band called Prima Donna.  I asked him how it was going and how the band was doing and he said that they were booking a tour around Europe in February and March.  Kind of half serious, half joking I said, "Well I'm living in Helsinki and I'm unemployed, let me know if you guys need an extra hand".  We clinked our drinks and laughed.  Long time readers will recall that in October 2009 I flew to Stockholm, Sweden to see them perform as the opener on Green Day's European tour.  Read that blog post here.

A day or two later I got a phone call from him and in a raspy voice he said, "I just got home from practice and I was just talking to the boys.  Dude, how serious were you about joining us on tour?"

When else would I be legitimately unemployed and living in Europe at the exact time that a friend's band is planning a European extravaganza?  This is a once in a lifetime opportunity!

"Oh man, I am so excited, it is going to be fun", I yelped.

And to that he replied:

"Well 'fun' isn't the right word.  It's really more of an experience."

Now, pragmatism has a way of getting the best of me sometimes, so there was a lot that went into this decision.  I am still paying rent (now with no income) and being in a new city every night has the unfortunate consequence of spending my days in a van amidst several other grown men and, did I mention that I'm pee shy and a germophobe?  So in the end I decided that while I am clearly taking full advantage of my being unemployed, for my bank account's, health and bladder's sake I ought to only join for a portion of the tour, half as it turns out.  And since we were planning on playing a lot of small cities I have never heard of before, having access to major airports for my arrival and departure was also a factor.

My job is to carry gear and snap lots of photos, but other than that, as far as I know, I get to drink beer. I will also be tweeting from the road if interested, follow my twitter @tuomasbrock and you can follow them @primadonnaband.  Their new album Bless This Mess is already out fresh this week on the itunes store.

So here are the dates!

10.02 Berlin, Germany @ Wild at Heart
12.02 Usti Nad Labem, Czech Republic @ Doma Music Pub
13.02 Vienna, Austria @ Arena Beisl
14.02 Velden, Austria @ Bluesiana
15.02 Conzano, Italy @ Uva Blu (free show)
16.02 Arezzo, Italy @ Velvet Underground
17.02 La Spezia, Italy @ Shake Club
18.02 Torino, Italy @ United Club
19.02 Milan, Italy @ Ligera
21.02 Zaragoza, Spain @ Sala Paramo
22.02 Estepona, Spain @ Louie Louie
23.02 Cadiz, Spain @ Supersonic
24.02 Madrid, Spain @ Wurlitzer Ballroom

Then sadly I must return to Finland (but not before the weekend spent in Madrid!), but the rest of the dates are as follows:

25.02 Villa Real Des Infantes, Spain @ Japan Rock Club
26.02 Monzon, Spain @ Zona Rock
28.02 Lyon, France @ Trokson
29.02 Rennes, France @ Mondo Bizzarro
01.03 Cambridge, U.K. @ the Junction w/ Eddie and the Hot Rods
02.03 Harlow, U.K. @ The Square
03.03 Westcliff, U.K. @ Riga Music Club w/ Eddie and the Hot Rods
05.05 Brussels, Belgium @ DNA
06.03 Aurich, Germany @ Sixties Pub
07.03 Aachen, Germany @ HQ
08.03 Lille, France @ Maison des Etudiants
09.03 Marange-Silvange, France @ Dock 412
10.03 Essen, Germany @ Panic Room

Go check 'em out if you are around any of these places.

Here is a video of them playing one of their latest singles acoustic

Dr. Strangejob

Or: How I learned to stop worrying and love the Socialist Welfare State.

That's it folks.  I got my diploma in the mail earlier this month and slowly government organization after government organization are learning that I am no longer a student.  So that means that I am officially unemployed and no more student monies for me.  Funny though, KELA threw a fit about me not earning enough credits and threatened to pull my funding a few months ago, to which I responded that I had earned enough credits but that they had yet to be calculated, to which they responded "not good enough".  So they decided to cut my student money starting January, to which I replied, "I will be graduated by then anyway so it's moot".  Then last week I got a letter from KELA saying that I had indeed earned enough credits and that my student money would be reinstated.

And now, since I am not a student, KELA is asking I pay back the money that they told me they weren't going to give me, but gave me anyway.

But despite the rather frustrating and seemingly pointless exchange of money back and forth between me and KELA, I have to admit that I admire this system.

The other day I went to the Finnish unemployment office to register as unemployed so that I could get unemployment monies.  So basically, while I remain eternally undecided where I want to reside in the future (California vs. Helsinki) I can at least have the government temporarily help pay my rent, effectively buying me some extra time.

Now, due to the vicious rhetoric used in America, the idea of welfare and unemployment money has a kind of a taint on it, which is why it took me a few days to get the courage to go in.  So I approached the problem rather sheepishly.

When I walked in I found the info person and, since I am more confident when I do, I spoke English.  The info lady gave me a look that, if I were in parts of the rural American South, is best translated to, "You in the wrong place shoog!".

I quickly changed to Finnish and pulled out my passport which cleared the confusion and her attitude changed from cautious surprise into cheery and helpful.  She sat me down at a computer and had me fill out an online form, and when I needed help on the more difficult questions, she ran over and eased me through them.  And BAM!  I was registered in the system.

Step two was to wait for a case worker to give me deets about what I could get, how I could get it and what my responsibilities were.  So I took my vuoronumero and sat in the seat next to the seat that looked like it had just been peed on.

Finally my number was called and I cautiously approached the office and, once again, started in English having my passport on the ready.  She, turned out, spoke English well, one could argue almost better than I.  So after a quick summary of "who am I and why am I here" we got into it.  But first she had to see my diploma, which I did not have on me as my visit to the office was somewhat unplanned and only because, "I was in the area".  Fortunately I had had the foresight to put a scanned image of it on my iPad, so I pulled it out and asked her if it would fly.

She took the device into her hands and it was immediately clear she was not familiar with the technology.  She looked at me and said, "I've never used one of these...I can't afford one".

Oh sheesh, and I'm the one applying for unemployment.  She didn't mean it at all in a judgmental way, but the irony was not lost on me.  Full time employed case worker at the unemployment office saying, "I can't afford that" to someone seeking unemployment.

Then after showing my iPad to her boss, my digital diploma was accepted as proof enough and the counseling could continue.

After explaining the rules to me she started filling out my data file on her computer.  I thought about a question I wanted to ask and started the 1st syllable and then thought better of the way I had it phrased and stopped.  She looked at me and said.

"Oh, are you in a hurry?"
To which I laughed and said, "No, I'm unemployed, remember?"
"That was the correct answer", she replied with a smile.

We laughed and then swapped brief stories about traveling in the United States, and I was off.

It was a pleasant experience.  It really would be a shame if the U.S. ended up like that, right?

Space Nazis!

You had me at "space nazis".

Airline Etiquette

Well I am back from a three week stay in sunny Southern California, and boy was it sunny.  I mean winters are always pretty mild in LA but this was unseasonably warm, meaning that the beaches were full of happy sun bathers and that I regretted not packing shorts.  I ate my In-N-Out, my carnitas burritos, my lomo saltado, my pho, my huevos rancheros, my pork ribs and there was a new addition to the must have list: the Elvis Burger from the Standing Room in Redondo Beach.  A burger with peanut butter, tomato jam, jalapeños, sausage and bacon.  It was impossibly delicious, so much so, that I went back the next day for a second (which wreaked major havoc on my digestive system).

After that, my siblings and I took on the role of the worm in the Big Apple as we painted the town red with a paint brush made of pure Brock.  As I recall, we may have been offered a free shot of whiskey as long as we promised to leave the bar afterwards, it was more implied than directly stated.  But that night is a little hazy and let us never talk about it again.  And with New York came the addition of Katz's rueben and pastrami sandwiches as must haves on the culinary "to do" list.  But I digress.

Let me get to the point.  As I sat on the plane bloated from the holiday season's offerings, I had a lot of time to think about what annoyed me about travelers in this day and age.  Already on the way over there in December I had begun to compile a list of airline do's and don'ts.  Why do I have any right to talk about such matters, you ask?  Well as the son of a former airline employee, receiving all of the benefits, it is fair to say that I have spent the better part of my life sitting on airplanes.

I have seen it all; celebrities, crashes, fights, fires, police escorts etc.  I've made emergency landings, circled airports, been in some of the most hair raising turbulence, flown through thunderstorms.  I have spent nights in countless airports across the world; Atlanta, Paris, Brussels, Munich, Amsterdam, Prague etc.  I have even heard the very Hollywood-esque, "is there a doctor on board?"  Then all at once everyone scans the aisles for someone to get up hoping it's George Clooney from ER who miraculously saves the life of a fellow passenger to the applause of the entire plane.  Instead, someone gets up, shrugs, and says "I'm a Dentist?".

But without further ado here is The American Werewolf in Finland's Guide To Airline Etiquette:

1. The airplane is NOT an extension of your living room.  If you are old enough to cut your own steak, you are old enough to wear clothes.  No pajamas and no sweat pants that say "juicy" across the ass.  You are in public and I expect you to carry yourself as if you are.  I know pajamas are comfortable, but guess what, there is a lot of shit about being an adult that isn't "comfortable".

2. I don't know who you are, but don't act like the rules don't apply to you.  If your seats aren't called for boarding, don't board.  We all land at the same time regardless of who is the first one on the plane.  I know overhead compartment space is low, but sometimes you have to put your bag under your seat, it's life.  Also, no electronics during take off and landing, so pull those fucking iPOD earbuds out and pick up a book you cretin.  And do not get out of your seat to retrieve your bag from the overhead bin immediately after touchdown.  If you needed your shit that bad you should have put it under the seat in front of you.

3. You are NOT the only one having a hard day.  Just remember that when you are complaining to the flight attendant about not finding overhead space or whatever, you are holding up 200 other people.  It is not that important, just sit down and shut up.

4. Be polite to people.  Flying is stressful for most people, tensions are running high and it's generally not that much fun.  Instead of immediately going nonlinear on an employee or a fellow passenger, keep in mind there are a million other people in the same boat as you and just take a deep breath apologize or politely air your grievance.  See rule 3.

5. Let it go.  I have witnessed this.  It is related to rule 4.  If someone accidentally kicks you and neglects to apologize for it, I understand it is annoying, but let it go.  Sitting on the tarmac in a crowded plane is NOT the appropriate forum.  Just repeat to yourself, "there is a special place in hell for people who do that", shrug it off and continue doing your crossword puzzle.  10 letters meaning "pay no mind" - Let It Slide.

6. Prepare accordingly.  "What? I have to take my laptop out?"  "What, only 3 ounces of liquid?"  I know it sucks that you can't bring your economy size shampoo with you, but the rules are clearly stated EVERYWHERE, so don't act shocked, you can buy another $3 worth of shampoo at your destination. The only reason you get to pout because of that is if you had to pour out a bottle of Johnny Walker Blue, and let's face it, if you are drinking Johnny Walker Blue, you are clearly of the wealth class that can afford to fly regularly, you should know better.

7. Take subtle hints from your seat mates.  This has happened to me.  If I put ear plugs in and close my eyes, it means that I am not interested in conversing with you at this time.  Not that your conversation isn't riveting, not that you aren't a nice guy, but seriously that isn't even subtle.

8. Finally, and this may be an issue of some contention.  Flying is NOT a right, it is a privilege.  Humans were not meant to fly.  If flying was a right we would all have a sweet set of wings on our backs.  Follow my logic here.  Walking is a right, breathing is a right.  Driving is NOT a right.  You have to prove yourself able to operate a vehicle before you are granted license.  So behave, it really isn't that hard and YES it can be taken away from you (Alec Baldwin).

Whoa!  Thanks for letting me vent, I feel better.  Feel free to add your own or disagree with me!

In-N-Out

We have a saying in California.  It goes, "You know you are from California if you know what In-N-Out is and feel sorry for everyone who doesn't".  Yes the infamous hamburger stand that is too delicious to be fast food but too fast to be anything else is part of the identity of any Californian.  It's not necessarily the best burger in town, a topic that is the subject of many heated debates, but one thing is for sure, there is no reason to eat at any other chain restaurant and the only reason one is disappointed is that the meal ended too quickly.  It is available pretty much ubiquitously in California, so no matter if you are winding down San Francisco's Lombard St., cruising L.A.'s Sunset Blvd., Strolling around San Diego's Gas Lamp district or being sprayed in the face with pepper spray in Davis, you are never alone if you have a Double-Double in your hand.

This is serious business, there is even a legend of an April Fools joke where In-N-Out teased New York City residents by putting a "Coming Soon: In-N-Out" sign in a shop window.  This level of trickery should be banned by the Geneva Convention, but I will let it slide because the fool in this case was L.A.'s arch nemesis.

But I would be doing both of my heritages a disservice if I did not somehow do something Finngelino-esque about  it.  So here it is:  The Finnish In-N-Out Ad Campaign!

"I'm Jean Sibelius, I like my music classical and my burgers classic.  A #1, grilled onions"

"I'm the bear outside the Finnish National Museum, I like my burgers Animal Style"

"I'm Aleksis Kivi and there is only one burger that can fulfill the hunger of me and my Seven Brothers."

"I am Tuomiokirkko and as far as I am concerned, there is only one Holy Trinity: A Double-Double, Fries and a Coke."

"I'm the Havis Amanda and I have to watch my figure, so I'll have a cheeseburger.  But throw in a strawberry shake for me to dip my fries into." 

"I'm the seal that spits water at Amanda all day, I don't care for veggies, just give me a flying dutchman" 

"I'm Alvar Aalto.  I don't care for the shape, but it sure tastes swell" 

"I'm Pikku Myy and a saucy lady needs extra sauce"

Now What?

Ladies and gentlemen, I have an announcement to make.  My original purpose for being in Finland is coming to an end, and rapidly so.  I alluded to it in a recent post by saying that "my school requirements have subsided".  I did not merely mean that exam week was over.  I mean it's done.  The whole kit and caboodle.  Finished.  Finito.  The only thing that stands between me and my degree at this point is a few weeks of bureaucracy.  So technically the fat lady hasn't sung yet, but she is backstage in the greenroom gargling water. 

I went back and I read my first post and tried to think about how I must have felt when I wrote it, just hours off the plane from LA.  Suffering from a mixture of emotional turmoil, physical exhaustion, jet lag, stress, confusion, and inebriation from the beers my host had graciously given me, I didn't know whether to laugh or cry.  Of course on the outside I maintained the visage of my omnipresent neutrality that drives my parents crazy, but on the inside I was in shock.  The future was pretty unwritten; I had never seen my campus or where I was going to live and the faces that I now see regularly were still those of strangers.  I wrote, "This is day 1 of an indefinite stay in Finland".  And I can't help but chuckle at that now.  Indefinite? HA!  It flew by.  

Indefinite, hmmm, that is an interesting word.  The last time I recall seeing it used with any significance was when I was in Tokyo's Narita airport.  A plane had just crashed and all flights were labeled "Delayed: Indefinitely".  But many of the flights left only hours later regardless of the awkwardness of taxiing passed the still smoldering wreckage of that morning's "incident".  Depending on the context it can mean that it is unlimited or merely just undefined.  Something that is indefinite may only last a few hours, or it could last forever.  Back then my stay was indefinite because it wasn't worth defining.  But even now my stay remains so, but for different reasons.

I suppose when one is approaching a mountain it is always going to look intimidating when looking up it.  But when I hit the crest late last spring and saw the other side for the first time, I already started to panic.  "Damn, I gotta figure shit out".  Once again the future is unwritten.

My original plan was to come to school here and move back to Southern California upon completion.  I am sure many of my friends back home can attest to that.  In the months approaching my departure they expressed concern that I would find a Finnish girl and stay here forever, to which I replied, "No, on the off chance I find a girl I'll just bring her back to California with me".  I mean what Finnish girl wouldn't want to live in Los Angeles, right?  On a side note: ladies I am still single, if you need to confess your love, now is the time.

But now that I am on this side of the experience it really isn't as easy as whistling a tune while I pack.  Moving sucks no matter how far it is, and doing so over an ocean doesn't make it any easier.  Then there is the fact that I have already moved to and from Finland once before.  Now I am two years + deep in possessions and somehow no matter how empty my bags were when I visited LA, they always came back to Helsinki bursting at the seams.  Possessions are just possessions, it is really more of a nuisance.  But last time I lived here I had tickets back to California leaving pretty much the day after my program ended, something I have considered since then to have been a mistake.  Why am I even talking about the travails of moving?  I haven't even made up my mind yet!

If you are curious, I have expressed interest in job posts all over the world, not just limited to SoCal and Helsinki.

So the certainty of two years ago has been replaced with indecision.  It doesn't help that I am being attacked at all sides with prodding questions about my future, or even worse, when people have already made up their minds for me.  "Oh you graduated?  I'll visit you in LA!".  Of course that is the obvious expectation and not an unwarranted one, but on a philosophical level it is kind of weird and uncomfortable when it is expressed.

On a good day I am optimistic about whatever version of the future I have chosen for the time being, but on a bad day my curtains remain drawn and I sit in the dark trying to rationalize the problem.  "I miss my friends, but the political system is screwed, I want a burrito, but I'd have to buy a car, I love Helsinki, but I hate winter, I am much healthier here, but I miss decent food" etc. etc. etc. in an infinite loop.  I remain fickle at best.  If it was summer year round in Helsinki, there would be no question, I would want to live here.  But as my father points out, so would a billion other people.

I am not trying to be an ass with a "you'll have to stay tuned until next week" ratings bump. When it comes down to the question of where I am going to be in January 2012, I really don't know.  And let's face it, it's December 1st.  I can hear the tick, tick, tick, tick, and I don't even own an analog clock.

In an ideal world, Helsinki would be located two hours by car north of Los Angeles.  I would happily trade Santa Barbara any day of the week.